QUESTIONS FOR THE WRITER

Q. How long does it take you to write a book?

That depends on the story.  I wrote my first book, according to my mom, in a single afternoon, complete with illustrations.  I remember writing a book in high school called "Earl the Pearl and the Skating Rink Skeeves" in about two days, also complete with illustrations, binding and an extensive readership of 5.  Since then it's been a downhill slide to tortoisehood, but on the bright side, my readership has increased.

Q. Did you always want to be a writer?

Yes.

Q. When are you going to write the sequel to....?  

There's a sequel??  Nobody told me that!

Q. I just loved Character Z in your [insert book title].  When does his or her story come out?

See answer above.

Q. Will you send me a free book?  I don't have any money/can't get to the bookstore/don't want to spend money on a new author/love free stuff.

You are welcome to contact me and see what types of things I currently have in my promo arsenal. If you want a test drive, I have plenty of free fiction and excerpts on my site.

Q. What are your favorite books?

Besides the ones I wrote myself?  I enjoy a ton of authors and genres -- everything from Clyde Edgerton to Sharon Shinn to Jennifer Crusie to Sandra Boynton.   There are so many books I've enjoyed, it would take up too much space to name them and their authors.

Q. Where do you get your ideas for stories? 

From your waste basket.

Q. You should tell my life story.  I'll give you half the proceeds when we get it published.

Didn't I tell you?  I already put you in a book.  You're that one who does that stupid thing that nearly gets everybody killed in that scene I had to cut.

Q. What is up with the freaky, inconsistent photos in the header?

There's a reason why my earlier, self-illustrated books will never see the light of more than 5 readers.  My creativity extends only to the written word and occasional wacky crocheting projects. The photos in the header represent the apex of my artistic ability, which is to collage nice things someone else created. 

Q. Did you make those crocheted gnomes yourself?  

Sadly, yes.

Q. Are you trying to pervert young people, putting your erotic fiction on the same site as your regular stuff?

Actually, I'm trying to pervert old people.  The secret is the fact that my regular stuff is much more subversive than my hot stuff. 

Q. Why would anybody want to read an ebook instead of a real book?

First off, ebooks are real books.  They are printed in real electrons.  They involve an equal amount of work on the part of the author, and electronic publishers work just as hard at design, editing, marketing and promotion as any other publishers. 

Many books being published at all sorts of publishers today, in fact, have an electronic alternative because they're greener than paper books.  My sister, who lives with us sometimes, is an environmental education professional, so we've been converted.  I myself love to read ebooks on my PDA because I can hold it in one hand and it's backlit for night-time perusal, but I recognize that not everyone wants to curl up with a computer or other device to read.  Because I understand this, I am not prejudiced against them, and I hope they aren't prejudiced against me. 

It is my hope that within the next 10 years, a standardized digital format for electronic books and book readers will appear on the market like the digital music revolution.  There are other issues to overcome, like the growing threat of ebook piracy.  I don't want paper books to disappear, but neither am I a Luddite.

If you'd like to read more about the carbon footprint of ebooks, here is an article my greenie sister approved of:  http://pubs.acs.org/subscribe/journals/esthag-w/2008/may/tech/ee_ebooks.html

Q. What do you mean, ebook piracy?  If I buy an ebook, isn't it mine to share with anyone I want, just like I can a paperback?

Tricky question, but not exactly.  When you have a paperback, you can only share it with one person at a time, and they can only share it with one person at a time, and while the sharing happens, the book is no longer in your possession.  There is one copy and eventually it will die a much-loved papyrus death after continued handling.  It's one thing if you share my ebook with a friend or two and they don't share it elsewhere.  However, with an ebook, you could technically share it with 28,790 people all at the same time while retaining a copy for yourself, and they could do the same thing.  The ebook file, while you could lose it in a computer crash if you don't back it up, never deteriorates and thus is always available for more sharing. 

Do you see the problem here? 

I don't know what the solution to ebook piracy aka sharing is, but I know that I'd much rather those 28,790 people interested in my story pay money for my book because if I got enough royalties, I'd have the funds to organize my life so that I could write more.  If my writing career means I make zero dollars, or negative dollars if you take into account marketing and promo costs like the hosting of this website, I can't afford to devote my time and energy to it.  Instead, I could obtain a career with a better income, crochet gnomes, hang with my kids and hubby, plant an organic garden, volunteer at no-kill animal shelters, update www.meankitty.com, read books, review movies, and so on and so forth. 

Here's a little poem I just came up with.  Read it quick before I think better of it and delete it from the page!

Time is precious
Time is money
Ebook piracy
Isn't funny.

Q. How much did it cost you to get those books published?

Nothing but time.  If you contribute money towards the publication of your fiction, it's considered self publishing, vanity publishing or subsidy publishing, and my publishers, while occasionally electronic, are traditional, royalty paying entities.  They give me the bucks, not the reverse. 

Q. When are you going to write a real book?

When the fake ones go out of print.

Q. Romance!  I don't read that stuff.

That is not a question, so I don't feel obliged to answer it. 

Q. Why do you have cat pictures all over your dang site?

Because I like cats better than dogs.

Q. Have you considered doing your book signings accompanied by one or both of your cats?

I considered it and quickly discarded it since the cats tend to yowl and puke while in their cat carriers, which would frighten away potential buyers or, worse, cause them to call the Humane Society.  If I wanted to stop the ruckus, I'd have to free the cats from their plastic prisons, and I can't imagine it would be safe to let them roam free at the bookstore.  I wouldn't want to endanger the shoppers like that.