Jody Wallace’s 30+ titles in sf/f and contemporary romance feature diverse protagonists, action, adventure, and plenty of cats. Visit her at www.jodywallace.com and the cats at www.meankitty.com
If you’re looking for the perfect holiday gift…this probably isn’t it! Also, I’m slow with the crocheting part and the post office scares me. But still. I figured I should at least make this guy available. People might need one.
Not only is “Peenly Balanced” PNN News questioning the Peenvengers’ motives and authority, but the formerly admiring citizens are wondering just who it is that’s been defending their city from beavers…
That poor guy’s eyeball, though…
Jody Wallace
Smart. Snarky. Seductive. And that’s just the books.
http://www.jodywallace.com * http://www.meankitty.com
The Peenvengers have eradicated the scourge that is Justin Beaver and are prepared to accept the city’s adulation.
Uh-oh. Could the tide of public opinion be turning against the Peenvengers even though they saved poor Rocky from a fate worse than death? Probably? And they definitely didn’t kidnap him first, although what WAS he doing at their secret clubhouse? But never mind that, what will happen next?
Jody Wallace
Smart. Snarky. Seductive. And that’s just the books.
http://www.jodywallace.com * http://www.meankitty.com
He’s the original gangsta! Ok, fine, he’s not a gansta. He’s the original crocheted peen. His handler is the peen creator, Jody Wallace.
1) WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
Mr. Pinky. I think.
2) IS THERE A STORY BEHIND YOUR NAME?
I’m…pink?
3) PHYSICAL STATS (height, girth, etc):
About 5″ high and a handgrasp around.
4) WHAT IS YOUR OUTER TEXTURE?
Silky and nubbly, like your favorite sweater socks.
5) WHAT IS YOUR COLOR?
Fresh, petal pink.
6) ARE YOUR STABILIZERS SOFT, HARD, LUMPY, ETC?
They’re, um, actually, um, kind of small and not very well attached.
PERSONALITY STATS:
7) WHAT IS YOUR SIGN?
Though I’m not allowed in the water due to the content of my stabilizers (dried garbanzo beans), it’s Pisces. This makes me eternally sad.
8) WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND?
It used to be the cats but my handler has been making new friends for me lately! I’m hoping they’ll take me on an adventure, but alas, I’m always more of a Peen in Distress, needing rescue.
9) WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE PASTIMES?
Staring at stuff, wondering about life, cuddling with kitties, being meek and unassuming.
10) DO YOU HAVE ANY STRONG DISLIKES?
Loud noises, being rescued over and over by the Peenvengers.
11) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG / TV SHOW / MOVIE?
I like classical music on softly and I like Hallmark Channel movies, especially holiday ones.
12) WHAT IS YOUR FONDEST FANTASY OR DREAM?
Being brave and heroic and finally getting the girl!
The Brain: He’s brilliant. And he’s in your pants. Handler: DB Sieders
1) WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
The Brain
2) IS THERE A STORY BEHIND YOUR NAME?
Animaniacs – My owner is a lab rat and loved Pinky and the Brain. However, Mr. Pinky was already taken, and I’m supah smart!
3) PHYSICAL STATS (height, girth, etc):
Oh, hell, my owner doesn’t have a ruler handy and her kids won’t leave her alone today! She’ll guess six inches, an anatomically reasonable girth, and aesthetically pleasing shape and appearance without those pesky hairs sprouting around the base.
4) WHAT IS YOUR OUTER TEXTURE?
Crocheted for her pleasure.
5) WHAT IS YOUR COLOR?
Pink – trying to mimic Caucasian flesh tones while trying to compensate for white male stereotypes.
6) ARE YOUR STABILIZERS SOFT, HARD, LUMPY, ETC?
Hard, baby! (Crocheter’s note: I know for a fact those things are lumpy. I filled them with small glass weights.)
PERSONALITY STATS:
7) WHAT IS YOUR SIGN?
Ares, b/c I’ll ram you ;).
8) WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND?
He comes in a bottle. Aside from that I love my handler and Mr. Pinky.
9) WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE PASTIMES?
Hanging around, though occasionally I’ll stand up and take notice.
10) DO YOU HAVE ANY STRONG DISLIKES?
Love the ladies and don’t like tight pants.
11) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG / TV SHOW / MOVIE?
Song = ‘Turning Japanese’ – Movie = ‘American Pie’
12) WHAT IS YOUR FONDEST FANTASY OR DREAM?
Making my handler so happy that she’ll let me sleep.
Meet Nick. He’s an up and comer, all right. His handler is Miss Jennifer.
1) WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
Nicholas O’Dick . . . quite a mouthful.
2) IS THERE A STORY BEHIND YOUR NAME?
I am a very festive fellow with my red tipped crown and full, white beard that reminds many of Santa Claus himself. I bring spurts of joy to all those who know me, but especially to my wonderful handler – hence my jolly moniker.
3) PHYSICAL STATS (height, girth, etc):
I stand 6 inches proud with 2 inches of girth. I am grounded by my heavy balls that sadly are always blue. I have black eyes that can see perfectly in tight, dark and moist spaces. And I’ve already mentioned my white beard and red head. I also have a slight curve to my erective stature.
4) WHAT IS YOUR OUTER TEXTURE?
My outer texture is rough and bumpy. I’ve been told it is akin to ribbing for her pleasure.
5) WHAT IS YOUR COLOR?
I am a tri-color peen with my read head, blue body (and balls, don’t forget the blue balls) and a soft pink face.
6) ARE YOUR STABILIZERS SOFT, HARD, LUMPY, ETC?
Well, they are blue! They are quite weighty and help to keep me perpetually erect. The stabilizing balls are a bit lumpy and they make a clicking noise when squeezed (which is very pleasurable for me). I think you’d find them an impressive specimen of stabilizing balldom.
PERSONALITY STATS:
7) WHAT IS YOUR SIGN?
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, the best of all the peen signs.
8) WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND?
My handler, of course. I may have a wee bit of a crush on her but have to work around her ever present husband. I may not be her only peen which is troubling. I do think about trying to get out more and expanding my circle. However, I do get to interact with Spurty the Shark and Petunia the Pony. The three of us get into trouble quite frequently when left alone. Fortunately, I am the leader of this pack. I’m sure you’ve noted my alpha tendencies.
9) WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE PASTIMES?
My handler and I have recently gotten into nutscaping, a new trend in photography that features nuts in landscape photos. We are contemplating changing the name to ballscaping which seems a more fitting way to describe the practice. I have to keep my balls in good shape for this, so I work them out with my handler frequently. I believe I have the perfect balls for this endeavor and can see fame in my nuts’ future. I also have a fondness for bubble wrap, snow (although I have yet to see any) and anything Christmas related. Lastly, I spend a great deal of time thrusting which I’ve found to be the best way for me to relax.
10) DO YOU HAVE ANY STRONG DISLIKES?
Gnomes. I sense I may have been modeled after them, an affront I am not sure I can overcome. Fortunately, my handler lives a gnome-free existence. I am not keen on water either as it messes with my erective nature.
11) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG / TV SHOW / MOVIE?
I haven’t listened to enough music to pick a favorite song, but I do enjoy songs with rhythm. A good beat is important.
I generally don’t watch many tv shows. I might need to change this.
Pinocchio is my favorite movie because I very much identify with the wooden puppet who wanted to be a real boy. Of note, I have seen the Star Wars movies several times. I have yet to understand the appeal of Han Solo.
12) WHAT IS YOUR FONDEST FANTASY OR DREAM?
To be a real peen. I dream about this daily, imaging what it would be like much like Pinocchio.
Shaft is a handsome, multicolored peen owned by author Laura Curtis. Find out more about him!
1) WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
Shaft. (Sing the theme song, baby!) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFvRvSxsW-I2)
2) IS THERE A STORY BEHIND YOUR NAME?
“Who’s the black private dick that’s a sex machine with all the chicks? Shaft!” What more do you need as a story behind my name? I am currently in disguise as multi-colored, but that’s because I have blue balls.
3) PHYSICAL STATS (height, girth, etc):
Height: 8.5”
Girth: 5.5”
4) WHAT IS YOUR OUTER TEXTURE?
I am rough but smooth….
5) WHAT IS YOUR COLOR?
Pink head, duotone purple body, blue balls.
6) ARE YOUR STABILIZERS SOFT, HARD, LUMPY, ETC?
Firm, just as they should be.
PERSONALITY STATS:
7) WHAT IS YOUR SIGN?
I am a Scorpio. I like to be around people and be happy. I was born in November.
8) WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND?
I have lots of friends, but Yoda is my best friend. Don’t tell Buddy Christ or Bender, okay?
9) WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE PASTIMES?
Investigating holes. Holes in people’s stories. Holes in the wall. Holes in…well, let’s leave it at that.
10) DO YOU HAVE ANY STRONG DISLIKES?
I dislike mold, mildew, and things that smell bad.
11) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG / TV SHOW / MOVIE?
Well, as you might expect, I like Shaft and the theme from Shaft. But really, I like all cop programs. And South Park.
12) WHAT IS YOUR FONDEST FANTASY OR DREAM?
My fantasy is that one day there will be no anger or violence or pain in the world. Just sweet, sweet love!
Rocky is a sweet, uplifting little guy owned by Petra Grayson. Find out more about him!
1) WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
Rocky
2) IS THERE A STORY BEHIND YOUR NAME?
When my handler pulled me out of the bag, along with my very own third eyeball, she noticed I had that far off look in my eyes reminiscent of The Rock from the old-school WWE wrestling matches. I’ve been Rocky every since.
3) PHYSICAL STATS (height, girth, etc):
I’m a healthy 7” tall with a 4-1/2” girth. My head is slightly bigger and is cocked right because I’m always so interested in my surroundings. I also make groaning sounds when I’m shaken. My handler likes to make other videos of me, too.
4) WHAT IS YOUR OUTER TEXTURE?
I have a acrylic tight weave with some extra fuzziness from being overhandled.
5) WHAT IS YOUR COLOR?
A middling pink, fleshy color. Neither nude, nor angry, my color is subtle and inviting, just like me.
6) ARE YOUR STABILIZERS SOFT, HARD, LUMPY, ETC?
I always thought they were soft, but some firm squeezing revealed that they have lumps that are hard and hmm…they also make noise. I am full-on orchestra when the action starts.
PERSONALITY STATS:
7) WHAT IS YOUR SIGN?
Libra, baby. Let’s get it on. Candles, romance, cuddling, and caring are my game.
8) WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Chicks, ducklings, humans, bears, I would never be able to pick just one best friend. I’m surrounded by my best friends all the time and I’d never want it any other way.
9) WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE PASTIMES?
I’m very adventurous. I love to travel. But it’s also nice to relax at home with my friends, dress up, read a good book, explore the great mysteries of life and love.
10) DO YOU HAVE ANY STRONG DISLIKES?
I’m a pretty easy-going peen, but I dislike having to stay in my bag and judgmental people. Can’t we all just get along?!
11) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG / TV SHOW / MOVIE?
I don’t get out much to see TV or movies, but I love any kind of music that sets the mood. Relaxing and flowy is my style.
12) WHAT IS YOUR FONDEST FANTASY OR DREAM?
To roam freely throughout the world, finding friends and lovers wherever I go. Also, I’ve always wondered what it would be like to break the rules and get wet.