Category: crafts

Are You Grompy and Chonky?

Jody WallaceLeave a comment

I bet you are. I sure am. In fact, I am so grompy and so chonky and so completely enthralled with KITTIES that I have commissioned a very special item from an artist who is local to my real-world location. I would like to offer you…

The best T-shirt in the world!

two t-shirts with a fat mad cat drawn on them and the words 'grompy and chonky'
You too can advertise the truth about your soul….

I make zero dollars from this shirt, zero kickback, only the JOY of knowing that more people in this world are wearing this shirt. The artist, Panda Ink Designs, so perfectly captured what was in my head when all I did was babble some nonsense. The shirt is a soft cotton a little on the thin side (but in a good way), and I’d say it runs a tiny bit small compared to other shirts I own, most of which I get at the thrift store so they’ve already been washed…a bit. Haha.

Here are the colors:

colors available for the grompy and chonky shirt

I got a bright pink that I hope does well at hiding stains, since I… Well. I have never met a garment I couldn’t stain just by wearing it. Food or no food. It’s a skill.

Recommend getting the white print on the darker colored shirts. Please, please help yourself! And let me know how fantastic it is to walk through the day letting everyone know you are straight up grompy and chonky. Click either of the photos to be taken to the order form! Or here.

The cover for blue guard by jody wallace on a fancy blended blue background

Jody Wallace’s 30+ titles in sf/f and contemporary romance feature diverse protagonists, action, adventure, and plenty of cats. Visit her at www.jodywallace.com and the cats at www.meankitty.com

Crochet Crowns to Celebrate

Jody WallaceLeave a comment

In between writing books and editing books for clients, my hobby is crochet. While I do have an Etsy store for more…perilous items, sometimes I actually create things you wouldn’t have to explain while laughing! Lately I’ve been obsessed with this easy crochet crowns pattern — https://www.crochet365knittoo.com/crochet-crown-pattern/ because they are cute, satisfying, work up quickly, and serve to help us celebrate things like the beginning of spring, getting our Covid shots, releasing new books, and going a whole day where no cat threw up on the cream colored carpet.

A duct taped head shape to display hats and a yellowish crochet crown displayed on it.

This was the first crochet crown I made, using a yarn that has sequins in it. I’m keeping it for myself and I plan to wear it when I get my second Covid shot! As for the duct taped head it’s on, well, the styrofoam head form that my children had done frightening things to was not actually adult head size. So I asked Kid2, who is very crafty, to use duct tape and fiberfill to increase the size of the head form so I could either display hats or dry crowns that needed fabric stiffener.

Anyway…

I am thinking of doing a crown giveaway in a Facebook group I recently joined (https://www.facebook.com/groups/1433523283574154). The main thing I use FB for lately is the groups. That’s where all the fun stuff is. I belong to groups for my mad love for crocheting, the Aldi grocery store, and chonky cats, and strange things found in second hand stores, and a number of other subjects that are very uplifting and amusing. Granted, I’m also pretty politically active, so I also belong to some of those groups, but for the uplift, there’s nothing like fat cats and people who love romance novels to relax you and make you glad the internet exists.

Would you like your own crochet crown? What would YOU wear it for?

The cover for blue guard by jody wallace on a fancy blended blue background

Jody Wallace’s 30+ titles in sf/f and contemporary romance feature diverse protagonists, action, adventure, and plenty of cats. Visit her at www.jodywallace.com and the cats at www.meankitty.com

Crochet Lace Collars Rocking Some Ruth!

Jody WallaceLeave a comment

Recently the combined might of Romancelandia auctioned off many coveted books, editing packages, handicrafts, gift cards, and more in Romancing the Runoff. This was to support voter organizations in the state of Georgia during the 2020 elections. The romance authors, readers, editors, fans and newcomers raised over $470,000 by bidding, buying, and participating.

Romancing the Runoff Logo

Many of the auctions were hotly contested, like for the copies of novels by romance and everything superstar Stacey Abrams. While participants could donate directly, the coordinators felt that it might be nice to have some “buy it now” items on offer at slightly smaller prices. Not everyone enjoys tense bidding wars!

But who would even bid on crochet lace collars?

Thinking that hardly anyone would notice anything I did but wanting to help, I offered to crochet 15 Ruth Bader Ginsburg style collars that could be added to Buy It Now for more timid folks like myself. I do know how to make crochet lace collars, even if I don’t know how to sell anything.

a white crochet lace collar like ruth bader ginsburg favored

Imagine my surprise when they sold out almost immediately! I was so thrilled and pleased that I was really going to be able to help, and now I am crocheting 15 collars to send to my new best friends across the United States.

Little and big Ruth Bader Ginsburg collars because my niece wanted one for her American Girl doll
Human collar, doll collar! CERTAINLY NOT A CAT COLLAR, I value my life.

Just what I needed — a craft project IN DECEMBER! No, seriously, I have enjoyed making the collars and talking to all the bidders. We got to select whether they want buttons or ties, that sort of thing. My children no longer really appreciate all that my crocheting genius has to offer. Obviously it behooves me to branch out like this, and not just at the Etsy Store for inappropriate items. Let’s just say there are no crochet lace collars on THAT page.

Have you ever offered to help, thinking you wouldn’t actually BE any help, and then been so thrilled that, well, you got to help??

The cover for blue guard by jody wallace on a fancy blended blue background

Jody Wallace’s 30+ titles in sf/f and contemporary romance feature diverse protagonists, action, adventure, and plenty of cats. Visit her at www.jodywallace.com and the cats at www.meankitty.com

Crooked Shit

Jody WallaceLeave a comment

I mean this literally, not that I’m getting hired to work in 2018’s administration at the White House

Clearly in my “inappropriate” category over at Etsy, I’ve added a poopy little offering to my side hustle!

Poop. And not just any poop but some real crooked shit.

Sometimes the poop is even dubious of just how crooked it is — or maybe it’s dubious about you?

Who wants a straight face, anyway?

Anyway. I use my time wisely.

Jody W. & Meankitty

Crochet Peen: Shaft

Jody WallaceLeave a comment

shaftandfriendsShaft is a handsome, multicolored peen owned by author Laura Curtis. Find out more about him!

1) WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

Shaft. (Sing the theme song, baby!) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFvRvSxsW-I2)

2) IS THERE A STORY BEHIND YOUR NAME?

“Who’s the black private dick that’s a sex machine with all the chicks? Shaft!” What more do you need as a story behind my name? I am currently in disguise as multi-colored, but that’s because I have blue balls.

3) PHYSICAL STATS (height, girth, etc):

Height: 8.5”
Girth: 5.5”

4) WHAT IS YOUR OUTER TEXTURE?

I am rough but smooth….

5) WHAT IS YOUR COLOR?

Pink head, duotone purple body, blue balls.

6) ARE YOUR STABILIZERS SOFT, HARD, LUMPY, ETC?

Firm, just as they should be.

PERSONALITY STATS:

7) WHAT IS YOUR SIGN?

I am a Scorpio. I like to be around people and be happy. I was born in November.

8) WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND?

I have lots of friends, but Yoda is my best friend. Don’t tell Buddy Christ or Bender, okay?

9) WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE PASTIMES?

Investigating holes. Holes in people’s stories. Holes in the wall. Holes in…well, let’s leave it at that.

10) DO YOU HAVE ANY STRONG DISLIKES?

I dislike mold, mildew, and things that smell bad.

11) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG / TV SHOW / MOVIE?

Well, as you might expect, I like Shaft and the theme from Shaft. But really, I like all cop programs. And South Park.

12) WHAT IS YOUR FONDEST FANTASY OR DREAM?

My fantasy is that one day there will be no anger or violence or pain in the world. Just sweet, sweet love!

***

Find out more about Mr. Pinky and Friends at www.crochetpeen.com